Too often we fall back into what we know because we are comfortable. Even when it hurts.
It could be an abusive relationship – with someone or one with ourselves.
Any relationship that cuts us, wounds us or makes us feel hurt in any way, is one that invites us – over and over to grow. Taking up the invitation can feel like drinking poison, because taking up the invitation means we step into an unknown world. A world where we have no reference points.
A world where we have to feel as we go. A world where sometimes, when we get a knock or a bump it sends us scurrying back to what we know – saying “see? I told you this was impossible!”
Taking up the invitation can mean we have to have faith or trust in something bigger than ourselves, something that sounds like the God Department – a place where we have asked before but been dissatisfied by the answers we got, or by what we received. So we go on falsely believing sometimes that there is nothing special about us, never realising that it takes more strength to sit in our pain and hard spaces, and it takes more out of us to do so – mad that God just doesn’t fix everything – so he/she/it can’t be real, not realising that we are being given an invitation by grace to push through that last barrier and be truly free to fly.
When we are the perpetrator of this abusive relationship – when our self talk is all about how we have done nothing right, haven’t made it yet, or haven’t got what other people measure success by, we are locked in a battle of dark versus light. Even though we know the darkness is painful, it’s easier to hide from the blinding rays of the sun and the truth – that we are powerful beyond measure – that the world is waiting for us to show up – when we show up our hearts deepest desires will show up and that we are glorious in our bright plumage. Instead we retreat, curled in the shade and lick our wounds.
When we are locked in this space of an abusive relationship with another – despite all appearances – we are still the perpetrator, time after time allowing our fingers to be burned by the same fire, usually with a lack of self belief holding us hostage. We would teach our children to avoid a fire – and they would learn pretty fast too, never to put their fingers there again – but then they don’t tend to have that lack of self belief until they have accepted it or learned it from another person. As we sometimes did.
We so often judge. It’s safer to judge others from our position of pain, vibrating in the frequency of wounding. So we filter them through our visioning system until we have decided we are justified in our self abuse and wounding because the world is a bad place – it doesn’t always give us what we want. Sometimes though it gives us what we need and we are too afraid to take it. When we come out into the sunlight, the bright light that stings our eyes tells us that we were right in hiding, that we should have continued to protect ourselves – here after all is another wound… but sometimes the new wound is there to help us build our immunity, and if we don’t count our overcoming obstacles and struggles as survival, or as a badge of honour – if we look at our past experiences and view them as mistakes, without recognising that they have their gifts, if we choose to ignore our goodness, our love at the heart of ourselves and our nurturing, caring nature and gifts, then we will never see that we glow with our own magical pulsing light.
Though sometimes dim – we really do glow. If we didn’t have it we would never be able to see our way in the darkness. And even when it feels like the darkness is caving in on us – we are still light.
For we are light beings. This is not just new age spiritual terminology – it’s a truth. And the way to know this is to gently press your fingers on your closed eyelids and hold them there.
You are illuminated from within by your truth. I told you so. And now you have done it.
What does it mean? It means you cannot really hide from the light. No matter what you carry within you, there is nowhere to go. You can only hide from your own greatness, but it’s there all the same.
If you really took a moment to see how far you had come on your journey – how many steps you had taken through adversity, how many people love you dearly – known and unknown, and how valued and dreamed of you were before you arrived here – no matter what happened after you got here – or indeed who brought you into this world, if only you remembered that you chose these people, this journey and all the wonderful gifts you are receiving, you would shed tears of joy at your own homecoming. You would know that the darkness cannot fool anyone for long. You would know that when you take light into a dark room it brightens, and when you take dark into a light room it remains light. Why? Because the light is the truth that always remains. And the light is God or Source energy. Sometimes you want to look away from the light, but the light never ever forsakes you. It is your ever-present miracle. It is where you came from and where you return to.
This is a time of great change, and we can no longer take our illusions with us and some light workers are finding it incredibly difficult to step into their power at present.
Know this, the difficulty you are having is a reflection of how powerful you will become once you do so. Your best ally in this growth is to release the temptation you have to berate yourself for not being what you feel you should be. You are perfect in your perceived imperfection. The imperfection is an illusion of ego, a safety net in order to stop you from taking responsibility and therefore brings you a false sense of safety within the trap. Once you understand the trap is there to stop you from having your beautiful life – a life that really could be more than you dreamed of, you can release the trap – for you hold the key. If it brings you pain and you truly don’t want the pain, create a program of kindness to set yourself free. The key is and has always been kindness.
Kindness bridges gaps, transcends language barriers and emotional distress. Kindness to yourself is the springboard to honouring and self love. And self love is where it’s at.
When you love yourself you guide the way for others to love you too.
When you can be unconditional you pave the way for miracles and wild creational power.
So start with gentleness. And no matter who it is that is in your world creating the opportunities for you to have resistance or pain, start with something so simple as a mantra to send the self talk into its own burial ground. Because that IS where it belongs.
Perhaps you might start with something like this…
I am enough. Or these….. I will do what I can do today. I am the light of the world. I am a part of creation. I am one with the mind that thought me up. I am loved, loving, lovable - I am love, you are love, we are love. Or perhaps, really, you know what would be best, maybe you can create words that resonate. Maybe it just feels like more hard work – but the rewards are huge. So do stick at it. And remember something else… we are here to experience many things - one of them is great joy, sometimes it can be balanced with great sadness, but just like the rainbow follows the rain – all conditions are temporary. And what you dwell on, is ultimately what you dwell in – so focus on that which you would like to bring forth from yourself.
I’d recommend checking out your light behind your eyelids first. And hey – if you are wearing contacts… do yourself a favour and take them out first - ok?
Be in charge of your world today.
Because the rain is only temporary and you don’t want to miss your rainbow.
(c) Deb Wharfe 2012
Deb Rowley, Energy Expert, Healer, Speaker & Coach