LOSS AND CHRISTMAS: Here it comes again and it can be a fraught time for those of you who have lost someone, so to my friends who are dealing with loss and grief, I wish you all an extra dose of love and peace, and want to say something to your hearts...
Your loved ones smile down on you.
They’re around you and as close as your thoughts. Please know you can speak to them and they can hear you. They know you love them, they do know you miss them. We can even learn to feel their presence. Some of you, I'm sure, already do.
They want you to do nice things for yourselves, to love and nurture yourselves and to see and delight in the tiny miracles that surround you daily.
They are richer for having been in your lives as you are from being in theirs.
They are safe, no matter what faith or creed has told you will happen to them upon passing, it all returns to golden light - even the ones that took things into their own hands.
Please do not carry guilt about how anyone passed, what more you could have done, the things you never said, and especially do not carry guilt if you ‘weren’t there in time’.
Guilt is a robber of joy. We cannot pass away if it is not our time, we actually get sent back.
Some people who need to pass, need to do so without others in the room and that's why when someone is passing, we don't get there on time. Or we pop out for coffee at what we may forever think was 'the wrong moment'. Our love and our life force hold them here, and when they need to leave, heart breaking as it is, they need less of that in the room to go.
I promise there is an order to these things, even if we humans cannot always see it. I know it feels hard. x
Please, this Christmas, try not to carry their loss as a scar on your heart.
Carry it as a sacred celebration of how incredibly lucky you were to journey together and, if you need to, write them a little letter telling them what you’ve loved about them and how you will nurture yourself going forward.
I got such a strong message to send this today (Chr 2017). James helped a distressed lady hang a commemorative card high up on a Christmas tree in a store in Taupo. We hugged her and held her for a while after. She was teary and said she missed her father every single day. I wanted to bring her home and let her rest.
I was far too teary feeling her heart and emotion to tell her this and I'm wishing I did, but she propelled this message for you and maybe you know someone who needs it. (I don't know who she was or I would send her this.)
You are absolutely loved. You are absolutely supported and appreciated. Thank you for everything you have done. It was enough.
Take some time somewhere to breathe and wrap your arms around yourself and sit for a few minutes.
You’ll get through, don't place any pressure on yourself to do much. We are sending much love.
Blessings and hugs,
Deb & James Rowley x
Previous Post: the-disappearing-self.html
Years of conditioning can shut us down to who we are. And sometimes we don't realise it has happened.
"Shut up." "You're only a child, what do you know anyway?" "We are listening to important people, be quiet." "Shhh, I'm on the phone." "I'm the man of the house and what I say goes." "Do this, do that (nag, nag nag)." "You don't know what you're talking about."
"He's an idiot, he doesn't know what he's talking about."
"She always rabbits on about crap."
There are a multitude of ways we are told that what we say does not matter. Our voices have traditionally been shut down by a society that always said 'children should be seen and not heard'.
These days we are starting to watch the ideas of children with wonderment. Thank God for technology. A 15 year old has invented a test for pancreatic cancer that cost just cents to make and takes moments to do. Jack Andraka's invention is here.
A girl has invented a way to make plastics out of banana peel - Elif Bilgin was awarded $50,000 for the ongoing development of her invention.
I'm so thrilled to be able to see these amazing inventions via the web.
However, what I see most often are people (in my day job), who are unexpressed and just needing a wee bit of self validation in order to come fully into themselves.
As we come through childhood and into teens, we are forming the way we stand on the planet, and that conditioning of 'children should be seen and not heard', can really stick. We must perform 'the right way' for people to approve of us, and while that's ok for many people, some gentler souls are really knocked off their perches by it.
Sometimes as a result of this, people don't know who they are because they have been pressured to be someone that fits a 'suitable' or perhaps even 'correct' mould. And this can put us into a space of overwhelm that we don't necessarily come back out of. But there IS a way out.
You know I am speaking from my own experience here. It took me a very long time to find my voice. And starting a blog was a major step towards it. I write this post for you with the conviction that some of you will read it and think "AHA! that's why I find it so hard to say how I feel!" and I only have that conviction because I started to share my opinions.
I initially thought it was stupid, but I had to practise writing somewhere, I felt dumb doing it, I thought that my writing would be read by nobody - and people started reading it. Actually thousands have.
If I didn't start, so many people who needed help would still be walking around feeling sore and foggy. And many of them would still be heart broken, or insomniacs.
I've learned a few thing, and one is, if I quote other people too often, I am ignoring my own valuable voice/opinion or experience. When you are busy with what everyone else says, maybe you lose what you say, modify or even shut down what you think or feel. Experts, might become experts by studying other experts, but someone had to have original thought somewhere in order to even start heading toward expert status. A pioneer/expert is the person with the balls who said 'I think this.' And then went ahead, validated and built on it. If that expert doesn't ever give life to that original thought - the planet misses out. You've got to start somewhere on the road to being an expert. And YOU are the expert in your life.
Sometimes OUR original thought goes unheard in our rush to conform and listen to the opinions of others. Don't think you've got one? Like I said, neither did I. Sometimes we bottle it, and that's not healthy for us - we are channels, meant to enjoy things that pass through, not hold them stuffed down and stifled. When we always lean outward to learn from others, or wish we had what they had, as a result of being conditioned that our opinion or voice doesn't matter, we miss our greatest teacher of all - our own spirit.
Each of us does have really amazing gifts. And right now, if you are saying "not me" THIS is exactly why I am writing this post.
In order to listen to our own spirit, all we have to do is trust, arrive/be present and say yes. We may feel there are layers of sh*t built up over the amazingness locked within us. Perhaps it seems thick, but it's not and you have a big old kick ass spiritual digger if you need one, to pull those layers off. There is a spiritual quote somewhere which goes 'in order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself'.
And it's often true - sometimes we have to get to a point where we have been pushed just enough to YELL out and say I AM WORTH IT!!!
Because until we get to that place, we are not ready to swap the ordinary for something extraordinary. That comfort zone can be a 'good enough' trap sometimes.
You can uncover your voice by yourself. You are already here, and you have everything you need. The thing is - sometimes you don't believe that. You just might need to say 'no' sometimes when you are saying 'yes' to please a crowd or someone else. You can express your opinion and when others disagree or over run it - you can repeat yourself, or tell yourself it's ok to be different. You can sit still for a moment, instead of reaching out for connection with others, say 'where am I?' and connect with yourself. Locate yourself, rest, place your hands on your heart and send yourself love.
Practice saying what you feel, small steps first. Work to clear your throat chakra. Listen to a free 30 minute self healing meditation here.
If my post is resonating with you and you feel like you would like to release some past hurts in order to help the process to uncover (and trust) your voice, I have private sessions to help release the 'compression/repression/suppression' that has been placed upon (or absorbed by) you..
Join my email news to hear more about the magic we do here.
Red Carpet Clearing is about connecting you to your source energy, moving the mind chatter/scatter & your spirit people back behind a red velvet rope - like you are at the Oscars - You have the Red Carpet and the Paparazzi - Doubt, Fears, Worries, Energy Suckers, Junk Mail Guidance and the Rubber Neckers hit the road with your Divine Security Guards to leave you in peace and grace.
Hypersensitivity to electrical/people traffic creates issues with concentration, makes meditation near impossible and is not helpful when studying or with memory based tasks.
Red Carpet clearing helps all this. Experiencing silence is an unbelievable thing when it hasn't happened before, so many of my clients cry with relief when they experience it.
Then, they can differentiate between their own thoughts - and the 'pop ins' that come from intuition, inner wisdom and outer guidance.
If you're ready for peace - give me a yell. :)
Darlings: There are several invitations for compassion in my newsfeed today. I've got caught up thinking I would comment and then decided against it more than once.
Instead of commenting all over the show - I'm just going to say this:
You are soooo loved. Even when you are not loving yourself, even when you feel like you are not loved by anyone, you are loved by more people than you think. When someone treats you badly and it feels like 'un-love' - give them a G I A N T swerve, and get on with life.
They must really be feeling awful/challenged/stressed/overwhelmed/hurt or suffering from some major feeling of lack in order to poke you with the grouchy stick. If they were in their 'right space' they probably wouldn't.
Don't catch their ball and play their game - swerve and keep cruising in your space of love. Felt or unfelt, seen or unseen, you are loved, and it's the radiance inside you that matters most.
Let them go in a pure, clear, radiant way - with love. They must need it.
Meaningful thanks and greatness are two things worth exploring further.
The next time someone says thank you, tells you that you are wonderful and you have helped them immensely, just let that filter right into your system and be banked into your heart space.
They do mean it.
Make sure you don't brush it off, it's a little gift for your soul - so please gently, let it right in.
Be ok with hearing that you are great, be ok with the thanks - make peace with these things.
If you are running around wishing you were more successful, but you won't let anyone tell you that you are good, you have resistance.
If you wish to, you could sit with this and examine it, sending it love until it feels more workable or completely disappears.
You are great. Your greatness is apparent to others, and you can reap rewards from it far more effectively if you work with it, rather than deny it or actively refusing to see it.
And always, when you say thanks - say it right into the heart of the person you are speaking to. It's magical. <3
All this reaching for happiness stuff sometimes stretches your nerves out all twangy and makes your fingernails a bit thin and crumbly.
Do it if you wish, some days, and on others - try instead sitting with what you have and making the best of it.
That worked for hundreds of years before the self help movement showed up.
The songs says 'some days are diamonds, some days are gold, sometimes the hard times, won't leave us alone.' And it can seem like that. But sure enough things shift. They shift a hell of a lot faster if you recognise that life has it's ups and downs. It's your choice to have a healthy attitude about the ups and downs, but happy most of the time comes with acceptance that you can't control everything, and a big, deep breath in, and a big whoosh deep breath out.
You don't 'have' to be happy.
Just be. Hang out with life instead. Take the pressure off.
You are who you are and the day - it just is what it is. Every single day has seasoning - a bit of happy, a bit of this, a bit of that. Life is like the spice drawer.
Happy can show up again when you've given yourself a big old break from the grind. Reaching for happy can be hard work.
Bugger off and do something nice instead. Get out of your head. Happy isn't there.
the little things that make your heart sing, are really important, go with what feels good to your gut, listen to great music and spend time with the trees, grass and sky.
Ranty Pants Series: Tending your own flowers.
It can be very discouraging to look over the fence and see what the 'other' person is doing. Things can get a bit pear shaped if your nose gets out of joint because they appear to be:
a. growing bigger flowers
b. having more fun than you
c. further along or 'doing better' than you
d. you feel you are superior and they are 'doing it wrong'
What is happening to your garden while you are straining your neck over the wall?
Your energy is being diluted. Your mission is being ignored. Your flowers are wilting. In some circumstances, the wind can go out of your sails while you go into resentful mode.
Now of course, you have something to learn from resentment, and I always find getting that lesson sorted fast is really, really good.
Because you are devaluing your own goods, gifts and opportunities while the other garden is being paid attention to. And you DO have amazing gifts.
If you can examine that resentment and realise that it is your teacher, you will discover the person who looks more successful, may be calm on the surface and is paddling like hell under the water.
They ARE earning their rewards, and people sometimes work very hard to make things look effortless for a while before they break though and start flourishing . Perhaps you could approach them in a loving way and ask them how they do it.
The thing to consider is this - their business is not your business, unless you are honouring it and showing it grace. You don't get points by putting it down, and your message can become a bit garbled - and you can lose your best focus, love energy - while you hold resentment.
Get back into grace and then grace is all around you.
Weed your garden, chuck out the resentful thoughts, and then water, give love and your own flowers WILL grow.
And sooner, rather than later, you will have more seeds to sprinkle.
Threads of Life
She sinks inside herself. Discouraged and lost in regret and self recrimination. And finds she is not alone.
"Have you come for the dance?" he asks.
"What dance?" she replies, "I don't understand. I don't know who you are. I can't see a dance, all I can see is black and dark, I've stuffed things up and been stupid, and people have done bad things to me and to each other. Terrible things happen. Life is tough."
"Ah", he says. "Those people are teaching each other and you too. Teaching about love and pain, about how you can all make better choices, they are teaching how to think on your feet, how to have faith, how being saved at the last minute is a very real thing that happens, and about how you can cause great harm to yourself if you don't speak up. There are no mistakes, you are just learning."
She catches her breath. He has her attention, after all, she has nothing else to do.
"It is a dance because each person is crucial to complete a cycle. Each one is a link in an infinite chain reaction, weaving their way in and out, like a pattern in a fabric, and in that way they are dancers.
The man that gives way for the rushing woman, is in the right place at the right time to save someone's life. The woman who gives a gift to the elderly neighbour, thwarts an opportunistic thief, who sees a kindness in action, and is inspired to change his mind."
He goes inside himself for a moment and reflects, finding the words.
"Sometimes tragedy opens the door for great kindness and a sense of stronger community. Even though It can be difficult, it's important in these times to remain open to good.
These people who create wonderful things for each other, are all picking up their threads of life. The Threads of Life are very, very important. They are the same ones that provide people with nourishment from their spirits.
When the threads are scattered, knotted or broken, life cannot flow as easily. This is what closure does, sometimes it causes people to wander and stretch their threads very thinly, but they can always be called back, unless it's their time to pass from this world. In cases of death, the thread is snapped completely, as the body is not needed any longer."
She absorbs, and seeing how this opening and closing has worked in her life, she nods for him to continue.
"The threads roll over and under each other, as the people go about their business. In this way, a blanket is woven by humanity for humanity. Faith is shared, created, restored. Possibility is birthed.
Connection between people is the music for the dance, making unconditional relationships and extending kindnesses - this creates harmonious, beautiful music and makes the blanket soft. There are enough weavers now, and many more arriving daily to make this blanket enveloping, inviting and nurturing.
Some call themselves Lightworkers, but really it is all kinds of people doing and sharing good. Story tellers, artists, carers, gardeners, builders, mothers, fathers and poets. They sprinkle the blanket with the warmth of heart and courage, the magic of moonlight, starlight, the lilt and uplift of sunshine and daisies. And with the most important thing - the promise of a new dawn."
He pauses to see if she is still with him, and sees that her minds eye is filled with images, carried on a blissful journey of creating, imagining and remembering, a vivid landscape of love and caring.
A softness has returned to her.
Her vibration is rising as he speaks.
"Theirs is a sacred task, for they are removing the compression that has been laid down upon humanity.
Wouldn't you agree that sharing love and wisdom has always been the greatest grace available to mankind?"
She nods again.
"This blanket is ready for you now. Do you take your part as a weaver in this magical dance?"
"Yes." The faintest whisper.
"Then there is nothing for you to do but allow the memories of your kindnesses to wash over you.
To illuminate your life by engaging with the kindnesses others have done, for you and for all of humanity - and to allow this to also wash over you, and bathe your threads. Breathe and allow. As you do, they are becoming lighter and lighter, silvering in the sunshine of this infinite grace."
"Sit now and feel the warmth of the blanket. Feel the light cleansing you and drawing away false ideas of wrongs, slights, and limitations. This light is love.
And by your own remembering that you are an expression of this love, you are freed."
And with that, she understands that they are One. This is not her alone, this is 'us'.
She rests, wrapped in gratitude and the softest of blankets, with a full heart, inwardly experiencing the raw beauty of the dance - and she smiles - as she wonders what took her so long.
In the distance, there is music.
During a session when I worked with a client a few years ago I saw her with her small suitcase, being sent far away. I was given the words 'Leaving Liverpool' and when I shared them with her, she said she was part of the Child Migrant scheme (and was grateful to be sitting down). Big healing energy was present in the space that day as we worked through trauma and into peace.
I had read the book Empty Cradles by Margaret Humphries when it first came out, so I was aware of how devastating and widespread the damage was for children, taken from living parents and sent overseas in a drive to populate parts of the globe with good, strong, working 'stock'.
Many parents were told their children had either been adopted in England or their lives had been lost and the children were often told they had been orphaned.
The last time it happened was 1967!
Margaret's story is an amazing piece of work that has helped many lives by bringing transparency to the acts of Government, charitable and religious organisations and ultimately creating networks of support and assistance to enable people to find relatives that may still be alive.
Useful links for child migrants are here:
(Photo Source The West Australia News 2007)
Some children were also sent to New Zealand and other countries.
I don't know if it still happens, but the women's magazines, such as the Womens Weekly and Womens Day regularly featured small advertisements in the back from people wanting to connect with missing relatives, brothers and sisters who were separated.
These days, we are so lucky to have the internet, making the world a much smaller place.