CHANGING THE SHEETS (AND OTHER STORIES):
When a relationship has ended there are two significant energetic things I often discover people don't know about.
1. The bedding needs to go. Sleeping in the energy of the old relationship doesn't open the door for the new one. I know buying new bedding is a commitment sometimes, but get a bit at a time until the old is gone. It's ok to pass it on, but don't stay under it or in it yourself and as it goes, say to yourself and the world in general, 'I am releasing the story from this, it is free to go and so am I'. I'm including pillows in this as our pillows are receptacles for all the 'stuff' that goes on in our heads.
2. Rings, jewellery, anything that ties or binds around your body. You are no longer tied to or by this person and neither are they by you and that practice of wearing the old wedding rings, on the other hand, is only about thriftiness. It's a reminder that something didn't work out and it's an idea from way back when divorcees were loose women people might get a shot at. Let go. Park them elsewhere. Do a trial run for three weeks if you are reticent about this. Think about remodelling them if you want to, but it's just so much better not to identify yourself as 'once tied to so and so'.
Spiritually, energy can be picked up through these items, they tell a story. If it's a story of old love and deep sustaining support - then all good. But if you are man-hating, yet still wearing the diamonds, I have to tell you Zsa Zsa Gabor is not your idol. Let them go. They have a negative impact on your energy field and they hold your ankles while you are trying to move forward. It makes me feel yuck even writing about it, but it's important info.
MAN HATING: The other thing is, the man-hating, is an energy that orbits around you. If you objectify a man as a pain-related experience - the universe is not going to bring you one. The universe is not about to give you pain on purpose - it gives you pain to let you know something is finished. Like when you put your hand in the fire and it gets burned - you're supposed to be removing it. This is what happens when the universe is trying to get through to you about what your boundaries are meant to be. You then have to go install boundaries and start from there.
You're not here to fix/save or see the potential in someone, you're here to do the work on yourself so you can fully stand in your power and be seen like a great big lighthouse.
Man haters attract woman haters because the universe loves people with the same vibe to hang out together. We get bitter or we get better. Get better. You are more likely to fully love and be fully loved for everything you are if you are not thinking you are going into a war zone in man land.
Also: People who tell you relationships are hard work do not have the key to a totally healthy one. All the rationalisation in the world is nothing to do with your vibe in a space. It's not mechanics and you are not a car.
Shut your head up and listen to what your vibe is trying to say. Walking away is an act of self love. You do not have to pay penance for a decision you made when you did not know what you wanted. Warring in a partnership now means warring in a partnership later.
*Also need to pop in here that ogling the kind of man you don't believe you are ever going to have messes with your vision board and requests from the universe.
WHEN IT'S NEARLY DONE: Hanging around like a tiny candle with your light squished while you try to do a shitload of repair work while someone else isn't bothering, is about not letting your light attract what you're truly asking for in your core - and is not about healing - it's a major act of self-sabotage.
SORRY NOT SORRY (WITH LOVE) I am feeling like I am probably going to push a few buttons and I want to apologise, but I don't want to apologise as much as I want you to honour your heart and your whole energy field and to be honest with yourself. It's perfectly ok not knowing what to do next, but I'd suggest a clean, clear conversation with yourself about what you want, including what you could do in order to improve your own offering on the planet - how you stand - what your goals are - what your dealbreakers are and where your boundaries need to be.
A huge amount of stress is caused when people decide they have invested THIS much into a relationship, time, money and stuff and so they think they 'should' just keep going because it 'looks right' but it feels so wrong. Please listen. Love. OR even 'please listen, Love'.
ENERGETIC ORBITS: I wrote some time last week about orbits and this is a prime example. It takes a lot of balls to shift out of a relationship when everyone else is comfortable with it.
If you're dying on the inside, then something HAS to shift - for your health as much as for anything else.
There's a bit of difference between being energetically unclear, and being in the wrong space. Many women I know have cried themselves to sleep (and men too actually) at night wondering what the hell to do next, then they've put themselves on the back burner and got on with disappearing while they look after others. This works for a while, I know because I have done it. But there generally comes a day when it all implodes. Sometimes the other person stands up and gets out and that changes the orbit.
We often don't know what to do when the orbit shifts - everyone in it needs to reset themselves and a lot of people can find it inconvenient and some can be downright crappy and judgy but it's an important part of moving forward - even if it's happening to you and you don't like it. x
CHOOSING: You do what you need to do for you. Work out whether you're giving away all your power and need to take it back by reestablishing your boundaries - or whether you really need to step out. (I have a post here somewhere called the Pancake - I'll find that, it's relevant.)
Partnerships, relationships, marriages and family - any social situation has an orbit. You can really see what's going on in them if you step back and observe, and if you do, you may wonder what the hell you are doing, taking yourself into some of them.
Courageously be ok to hold conversations about what is right for you if you are honouring yourself. Ask for what you want. Be ok to step out of the ones that are wrong for you now - that's not saying they weren't right at some stage - and jump into the ones that feel like they serve. It will stop an energy drain and start to build your energy back. Bless the ones you leave with everything you have, they have served you for a time, even if you don't realise it right now.
ENERGY IS THE BIGGEST CURRENCY we have on this planet and it's all completely related to your flow. The little orbits that don't fit, pull on your power. Love everyone, but love yourself enough to choose. You'll set an example for others to follow about honouring themselves if they are wise enough to also step back instead of being caught up in the drama.
We're learning this human stuff, but love, is actually easy.
Everyone just wants love and the whole of the universe is trying to take us all there. We don't work hard to get to love, or to joy - they are present - we just need to take note of where they are patiently waiting for us, agree to join them and take the steps we need to take to allow that.
Potential is a potent shell. I feel like I've only just started stepping into mine, but it's up to us as individuals to fill ourselves up and grow into them. We may and we may not.
It's incredibly rewarding of course, to step in and start.
Shall we? Let's go.
the million dollar healer
This post is part of some older writing I have done, from our relationship seminars and in response to multiple questions I have received over the last few days. If you're having a shift - you're not the only one it's happening to. If you want to discuss - yell out. Let's get clear.
Energy expert, Deb is also a spiritual teacher, healer, writer and artist.