Having to conform can be tough. Sensitivity in men is much maligned in society and it absolutely is not weakness.
Sometimes, this creates a real split for men as they try to navigate a world where it doesn't seem to be permitted.
This can lead to:
- no one to talk to
- 'squashing' themselves or stuffing down feelings
- feeling separate
- doing what's expected and completely ignoring what they really need
- sometimes hiding inside and operating with an outside facade that is really unfulfilling
- drug or alcohol abuse to try to stop 'mind chatter'
- thinking they are going crazy because they can't tell people what they can see*
I'm watching great men, not recognise how amazing they are, and having nowhere to go that is not completely independent. My work often leads into big unburdening chats, and as I'm not a friend who wants to fix, or a person who would point the finger - the chats are safe and very healing.
Now is the time to get free.
Please note: Your privacy is absolutely the most important thing in your journey of healing or understanding. EVERYTHING you share here is kept strictly confidential. This checklist is a guide for you, based on a lot of the issues my male clients present to me for healing or for understanding. Below the checklist, are some of my recent Facebook posts for men, you may like to read them first, perhaps they will help you to fill out the list.If you have anything else you want to share, please do so, my list can grow.
When you press submit, I get your results. I want you to know, I don't 'harvest' your email address from this form, I am not a mega email 'marketer'.
If you want to join an event newsletter list, that is a separate thing you can do just below:
What to do next?
If you hit quite a few things on the first list, let's have a quick chat about what I might be able to help you with.
First, it's really important for you to know, just because you've landed here - it doesn't mean you're broken.
But something's going on and you're experiencing a shift in your life, or you've become aware you need some kind of shift, you're just not sure what.
Most often, the people who land in front of me, need a person to talk to. Not a counsellor, or a psychiatrist, but an independent set of ears that are not going to react, pass judgement or hold you to an old pattern that you want to change.
So often, friends or family want to 'fix' something or view us as a bit broken and we don't need them to do that.
So this work is a massive space of non-judgement that people can get a real sense of unburdening in.
You just don't need it on your shoulders.
Because of this, I am often called a listener or a confidant.
If this checklist resonates for you, here are the ways we can work together:
Clinic session: Addressing past and current issues to release and grow. Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual energy work, with tools. Available on Skype, Messenger, Zoom or FaceTime.
Day Session: One to one, full day of release and growth work and tools to take home and use. Support to continue with the work.
A. Empathy and Sensitivity - A Journey of Empowerment - 5 Modules and a Facebook group anyone can join this $55
B. Men's only program
A. Multiple sessions for a goal
B. 3 months
C. 6 months
D. A concession for 6 sessions
Events: One or two day seminars on throughout the year
Events Newsletter Sign up
*I have worked with many male clients who have what they can only describe as woo woo or psychic experiences, but because they can't explain them with science, they become incredibly uncomfortable with themselves and they drink or take drugs to block it out. If all men experiencing this could stand up instead of hiding it or being scared - we would be looking at a very different world. Just because you see or hear things, you don't have to stand up everywhere, but talking discreetly to someone who understands that can be very liberating.
THREE CHEERS FOR THE GENTLE MAN
I know you're out there.
I know you're hiding.
I know you are pedalling hard on the surface.
I also know you sometimes think in a world of 'manly' men that you have somehow missed the 'manly' bus, whatever the hell that is and that misogynist bullshit leaves you cold.
I know you cringe when you accidentally get the wrong radio station and have to listen to low level humour and more 'manly' PR.
I know that some of the men that listen to that stuff are cringing too, but they just think it’s what they are meant to be listening to.
I know you want to make the world a better place.
I know you have been passed over for being too much the 'nice guy' because that lady wanted to date a 'bad boy'.
I also know while she may not have been your Ms Right, she is slowly learning that is one of the dumbest moves she's made.
I know you're a bit scared to be chivalrous, because it's not necessarily welcomed, but that you appreciate holding doors open or just making things easier for people and f*ck it, you'd just like someone to treasure.
I know you want to leave people feeling better than you find them and I also know that you sometimes get bowled over by the energy in the room, or a bit disconcerted by people's unkindness.
You're hyper-vigilant because there could be trouble around the corner and men are supposed to protect everyone. Pressure that isn’t even yours.
Maybe the #MeToo stuff makes you feel really sick because women shouldn't be made to feel less than valuable, but you may have no idea how to tell them you support them without running the risk of saying it the wrong way and making yourself into a target.
I know that there is a slight buzz of discomfort in your energy field and it hasn't gone away since you were really young, wait, it does when you have a beer.
I know that you followed the formula of work hard and do the right thing but somewhere in there, you may have fallen through the cracks a bit because the formula is a bit of BS for some people.
I know if you are with a partner that there are unsaid things on both sides that you need to let go of so you can fully be in that relationship. That it’s easy to carry a ghost in - a parent or prior traumatic life situation, or a vicious former partner.
I know that if you're single, you try dating sites from time to time, but the sad people who are also trying to connect make you sadder and you know and they know you can’t save them from their misery and it’s time to go and that just makes you feel worse.
You just stay home instead. It’s easier.
I know you’re not at the pub because you’ve done that too and after a while it felt hollow.
I know you wonder where your people are sometimes because you feel like you are operating in a vacuum where nobody is saying they feel the same way you do.
It might interest you to know just how many people are feeling that way.
I know that if you understand your energy - this will all be easier and you will find those people. AND you will find yourself.
It's really important that you do.
I've created a Mens Healing Program and a program called Empathy and Sensitivity Journey of Empowerment. You are not the only one.
There are 12 modules that help you get back into your space and feel more empowered, and 'land' in your life.
It's just $55 for the whole course, plus a private Facebook group that's optional to join.
I have a load of energy work for men coming up.
They often stand back, thinking this is women's 'stuff', which unfortunately, it can look like because women have been educated to think more about their feelings.
Please make that a thing of the past.
NOWHERE TO PUT IT
It's only a small thing
but it had a big impact,
the day he was told to act like a man
with none of the privileges of being one.
He was six.
It was only a small thing
but he was watching the people
around him fall apart
and it upset him
but they told him not to cry
they got angry when he was sad
and he had nowhere to put it.
He stowed it deep
and made it mean something
wrong about himself:
He was not important.
He was bad.
He made people angry.
He needed to never tell people about his feelings.
Men weren't supposed to talk and he had to ‘man up’.
He was responsible for everyone's happiness and he was failing at it.
His father left and said 'You're the man of the house now.'
And he had to stay alert at all times to save the rest of his family from the imminent burglars he could see every night on the 6 o'clock news.
He was responsible for everyone's wellbeing and he was only little. He was frightened all the time.
He needed to smile to keep them happy.
It bubbled. A big burden on tiny guilty-but-not-guilty shoulders. A shadow on the heart.
People moved past him, busy with their own stuff, doing the best they could, they didn't know what he had made it mean - if they did, they would have repaired it right then.
He shielded his gentleness with a wall and some armour.
He thought he had no one to talk to about that. Stowing it and shielding himself made a kind of not very good buzz in his body, but that was all he could do.
He became an adult. Diverted away from his feeling body, his sensitivity and mind running with secret conversations about his lack of self-worth, he knew he was lucky to have what looked like an ordinary life. Part of him felt shut down and like there was a whole other life that was meant to be his but he couldn't access it.
He felt alone in the middle of crowded rooms and he watched other men and wondered if any of them had been through the same stuff, or something similar.
Nobody else talked about it, they were all faking it with the false armour of the ‘hard man’.
He calculated everything.
Who had what. What did it all mean? Was he doing enough? Where was he meant to be?
He was going through the motions.
He watched people struggling with addiction and knew how close he had come and truth be told, could still come to helping himself disappear completely into some kind of obsession to get out of himself.
He laughed at the jokes, downed the beer and went home - and it all bubbled.
And that’s where it stuck.
Half in and half out of the world.
Not sure, feeling too much or blocking EVERYTHING and maybe not trusting.
But there is somewhere to put it.
THE PROCESS: If you think you’re the only one standing on the edge of that - you’re wrong.
Over time I have watched my male clients going through really similar experiences and so I have created a program for you to unpack that stuff and you can do it privately and quietly if you wish or you can do it in a supported space with others.
Attaching men back to their feeling, taking the burdens from six-year-old shoulders and telling them it’s not only safe to feel, but important to feel, helps them to feel better.
Excavating the stuffed down tears, the pressure and crap that builds up and setting it free is so important.