Years of conditioning can shut us down to who we are. And sometimes we don't realise it has happened.
"Shut up." "You're only a child, what do you know anyway?" "We are listening to important people, be quiet." "Shhh, I'm on the phone." "I'm the man of the house and what I say goes." "Do this, do that (nag, nag nag)." "You don't know what you're talking about."
"He's an idiot, he doesn't know what he's talking about."
"She always rabbits on about crap."
There are a multitude of ways we are told that what we say does not matter. Our voices have traditionally been shut down by a society that always fed 'children should be seen and not heard' a very hearty meal.
These days we are starting to watch the ideas of children with wonderment. Thank God for technology. A 15 year old has invented a test for pancreatic cancer that cost just cents to make and takes moments to do. Jack Andraka's invention is here.
A girl has invented a way to make plastics out of banana peel - Elif Bilgin was awarded $50,000 for the ongoing development of her invention.
I'm so thrilled to be able to see these amazing inventions via the web. However, what I see most often are people (in my day job), who are unexpressed and just needing a wee bit of self validation in order to come fully into themselves.
As we come through childhood and into teens, we are forming the way we stand on the planet, and that 'children should be seen and not heard' conditioning, can really stick. We must perform 'the right way' for people to approve of us, and while that's ok for many people, some gentler souls are really knocked off their perches by it.
Sometimes as a result of this, people don't know who they are because they have been pressured to be someone that fits a 'suitable' or perhaps even 'correct' mould. And this can put us into a space of overwhelm that we don't necessarily come back out of. But there IS a way out.
You know I am speaking from my own experience here. It took me a very long time to find my voice. And starting a blog was a major step towards it. I write this post for you with the conviction that some of you will read it and think "AHA! that's why I find it so hard to say how I feel!" and I only have that conviction because I started to share my opinions.
I initially thought it was stupid, but I had to practise writing somewhere, I felt dumb doing it, I thought that my writing would be read by nobody - and people started reading it. Actually thousands have.
If I didn't start, so many people who needed help would still be walking around feeling sore and foggy. And many of them would still be heart broken, or insomniacs.
I've learned a few thing, and one is, if I quote other people too often, I am giving my voice/opinion away. So I seldom quote other people, it can be a fall back approach to saying 'what is inside me can stay there'. When you are busy with what everyone else says, maybe you lose what you say, modify or even shut down what you think or feel. Experts, might become experts by studying other experts, but someone had to have original thought somewhere in order to even start heading toward expert status. A pioneer/expert is the person with the balls who said 'I think this.' And then went ahead, validated and built on it. If that expert doesn't ever give life to that original thought - the planet misses out.
Sometimes OUR original thought goes unheard in our rush to conform and listen to the opinions of others. Don't think you've got one? Like I said, neither did I. Sometimes we bottle it, and that's not healthy for us - we are channels, meant to enjoy things that pass through, not hold them stuffed down and stifled. When we always lean outward to learn from others, or wish we had what they had, as a result of being conditioned that our opinion or voice doesn't matter, we miss our greatest teacher of all - our own spirit.
Each of us does have really amazing gifts. And right now, if you are saying "not me" THIS is exactly why I am writing this post.
In order to listen to our own spirit, all we have to do is trust, arrive/be present and say yes. We may feel there are layers of sh*t built up over the amazingness locked within us. Perhaps it seems thick, but it's not and you have a big old kick ass spiritual digger if you need one, to pull those layers off. There is a spiritual quote somewhere which goes 'in order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself'.
And it's often true - sometimes we have to get to a point where we have been pushed just enough to YELL out and say I AM WORTH IT!!!
Because until we get to that place, we are not ready to swap the ordinary for something extraordinary. That comfort zone can be a 'good enough' trap sometimes.
You can uncover your voice by yourself. You are already here, and you have everything you need. The thing is - sometimes you don't believe that. You just might need to say 'no' sometimes when you are saying 'yes' to please a crowd or someone else. You can express your opinion and when others disagree or over run it - you can repeat yourself, or tell yourself it's ok to be different. You can sit still for a moment, instead of reaching out for connection with others, say 'where am I?' and connect with yourself. Locate yourself, rest, place your hands on your heart and send yourself love.
You're worth it.
If my post is resonating with you and you feel like you would like to release some past hurts in order to help the process to uncover (and trust) your voice, I have private sessions to help release the 'compression/repression/suppression' that has been placed upon (or absorbed by) you/it.
AND obviously, because you've seen the picture at the top of this post, I have a workshop coming up - it's a Sacred Circle time for sharing, releasing and coming to a place of peace. If you've been to a circle before and been a bit scared off - this one doesn't involve screaming, ranting, ripping your guts out and bleeding all over the floor. There are no points for sobbing the loudest. If you cry, you cry, (quietly or loudly) and that's ok. Sometimes I do in circle (often actually).
This is a gentle release space and connection with Your Divine Spark - you connect - you can always connect any time you want to this energy, it's yours - restorative beautiful soul energy. Everyone has time to speak uninterrupted and everyone keeps any sharing that has taken place, private to the group. There are specific circle parameters to ensure you are safely supported to come to a place of peace and balance.
To find out more and to secure your spot, please text me on 021 726 276 and I will call you back.
Join my email news to hear more about it here.
I've been there, both with the bogeyman who frightened me and made me not want to stay in my bed, and as the frazzled, knackered Mum who just wanted her own bedspace back.
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Darlings: There are several invitations for compassion in my newsfeed today. I've got caught up thinking I would comment and then decided against it more than once.
Instead of commenting all over the show - I'm just going to say this:
You are soooo loved. Even when you are not loving yourself, even when you feel like you are not loved by anyone, you are loved by more people than you think. When someone treats you badly and it feels like 'un-love' - give them a G I A N T swerve, and get on with life.
They must really be feeling awful/challenged/stressed/overwhelmed/hurt or suffering from some major feeling of lack in order to poke you with the grouchy stick. If they were in their 'right space' they probably wouldn't.
Don't catch their ball and play their game - swerve and keep cruising in your space of love. Felt or unfelt, seen or unseen, you are loved, and it's the radiance inside you that matters most.
Let them go in a pure, clear, radiant way - with love. They must need it.
All this reaching for happiness stuff sometimes stretches your nerves out all twangy and makes your fingernails a bit thin and crumbly.
Do it if you wish, some days, and on others - try instead sitting with what you have and making the best of it.
That worked for hundreds of years before the self help movement showed up.
The songs says 'some days are diamonds, some days are gold, sometimes the hard times, won't leave us alone.' And it can seem like that. But sure enough things shift. They shift a hell of a lot faster if you recognise that life has it's ups and downs. It's your choice to have a healthy attitude about the ups and downs, but happy most of the time comes with acceptance that you can't control everything, and a big, deep breath in, and a big whoosh deep breath out.
You don't 'have' to be happy.
Just be. Hang out with life instead. Take the pressure off.
You are who you are and the day - it just is what it is. Every single day has seasoning - a bit of happy, a bit of this, a bit of that. Life is like the spice drawer.
Happy can show up again when you've given yourself a big old break from the grind. Reaching for happy can be hard work.
Bugger off and do something nice instead. Get out of your head. Happy isn't there.
the little things that make your heart sing, are really important, go with what feels good to your gut, listen to great music and spend time with the trees, grass and sky.
Kintsugi - the Japanese art of mixing resin (resilience) with powdered gold (life lessons) to make that which is perceived to be 'broken' more beautiful...
I love it.
If you don't think the life lessons you have learned, survived or overcome are the most wonderful defining gifts, perhaps you could take another look at them from this angle...
In my eyes, the beauty, richness and depth of character reached from getting to the other side of the ditch, is gold. You may have felt shattered, even been battered and bruised, but when you have carried yourSelf and your body out the other side - it's that experience that makes you a writer, a poet, a teacher, a storyteller, a nurturer, a leader, a friend, and inspirator, and so much more.
It's an honour to know you.
Ranty Pants Series: Tending your own flowers.
It can be very discouraging to look over the fence and see what the 'other' person is doing. Things can get a bit pear shaped if your nose gets out of joint because they appear to be:
a. growing bigger flowers
b. having more fun than you
c. further along or 'doing better' than you
d. you feel you are superior and they are 'doing it wrong'
What is happening to your garden while you are straining your neck over the wall?
Your energy is being diluted. Your mission is being ignored. Your flowers are wilting. In some circumstances, the wind can go out of your sails while you go into resentful mode.
Now of course, you have something to learn from resentment, and I always find getting that lesson sorted fast is really, really good.
Because you are devaluing your own goods, gifts and opportunities while the other garden is being paid attention to. And you DO have amazing gifts.
If you can examine that resentment and realise that it is your teacher, you will discover the person who looks more successful, may be calm on the surface and is paddling like hell under the water.
They ARE earning their rewards, and people sometimes work very hard to make things look effortless for a while before they break though and start flourishing . Perhaps you could approach them in a loving way and ask them how they do it.
The thing to consider is this - their business is not your business, unless you are honouring it and showing it grace. You don't get points by putting it down, and your message can become a bit garbled - and you can lose your best focus, love energy - while you hold resentment.
Get back into grace and then grace is all around you.
Weed your garden, chuck out the resentful thoughts, and then water, give love and your own flowers WILL grow.
And sooner, rather than later, you will have more seeds to sprinkle.
A word from the wise…
'Always listen to yourself. It's better to be wrong than simply follow convention.
If you are wrong, no matter, you will have learned something and you will grow stronger. If you are right, you will have taken another step toward a more fulfilling life. '
- Bryce Courtenay 1933 - 2012
You are treasure. I've told you before and sometimes you've soaked it up and said "Yes!" Other times, you've given me that look. The one that says "No way, I'm broken, I'm not that thing you think you see, I am believing that I am nothing much at all." But nothing could be further from the truth. Sure there are days when we are resistant, but we have to check ourselves sometimes, and remember that resistance blocks us. In all directions. Flow is really important and we can't flow that well if we have dammed up our stream with rocks.
You're perfect as you are, it just takes a moment sometimes for us to realise this and embrace it, and when life feels tough - now and then, a little nudge is all we need to come back online.
Bryce Courtenay is probably writing away somewhere in the stars. I like to think he is helping me.
I've certainly learned from him and when I read this beautiful piece of writing (below), I think we share similarities of vision. He, more than any other writer, opened my eyes to african stars, to the power of one, to hopes, dreams and far away places.
When I see his books, I scoop them up. At a school fair I discovered 'A Recipe for Dreaming' and it was a dollar. I felt blessed, inherited a bookmark and a little note that said 'whether you are near or far, I have roads inside me, that take me to where you are.' I wonder who left it there. It's a heartwarming extra gift.It's a curious thing, reading another persons secondhand book. I wonder where it's been, who has soaked it's wisdom up, who has been entertained. Did it mean to them, what it means to me?
Bryce writes 'The combination of learning to dream and getting into the habit of asking yourself questions is, I believe, the beginning of a way to live a happy and original life.'
This is accurate for me. I spent years running from myself and only recently realised how to stop and ask myself what was right for me, how I felt and what I was here for. Too often the treadmill captures us.
I thought I would share this little passage from the book with you because it has inspired me so.
'You were not born empty.
God formed you with perfect feet and hands and a heart that beats non-stop, sometimes for a hundred years. He made you complete.
Why then, do you assume He made you empty?
He didn't, of course. You inherited a thousand generations of wisdom, skill, poetry, song, all the sunrises and sunsets of knowledge past. You are the sum of all the people who went before you.
You are a refinery of intellectual wealth.
The full flood of antecedent wisdom is piped and stored within you - how to climb the highest mountain, slay the biggest monster, how to survive fear and how to summon your own courage and take pride in your wonderful intelligence.
Inside you are more possibilities than you could possibly use up in one lifetime.
If you can dream it - you can do it, because the instinctive knowledge of how to succeed is already programmed within you waiting to be turned on. Waiting to flow like a river as you come on stream.'
I love it, don't you?
Bryce has been a big part of my dreaming. Perhaps he can inspire you too.
The light streams in on the floor, dancing dust motes tinkling in its gaze. Twirling and swirling in the glorious silence.
There is nothing. Or is there?
Paying attention brings the gulls in first. Off in the distance, exultant cries tell tales of low tides and rich pickings. The cicadas follow, their sibilant hum setting a clear frequency to cut and release, cut and release - they are dislodging the last of summer. Stridently sending it on its way, a few more long days of sunshine and then it will be gone.
The temperature has dropped. Last night was all about being covered. The cooler air today seems to aid thought processes.
The clock ticks, the fridge whirrs. And now there are school children on break time. A truck rumbling by and a few cars to help with the life hum. Further out, construction clangs, diggers and drop saws intrude.
The breeze just murmurs.
After last nights crazy wind, violently whipping the curtains and howling round the house - this is peace.
Take a moment to tune to all the sounds in your space, hear them, picture them, then retreat back out and let them go. Listen to the silence of your body.
All these external things have only the importance I attach to them.
Breathe and allow the stillness to centre you.
Sessions are for helping you feel like you again.
Each session is very individual, it's what you need it to be - in order to bring you into your strong, well, empowered self - in a clearer, brighter, lighter space.
Bringing you back to life… and to love.
It's about resetting the body to harmonious balance. A session lifts heaviness, removing that 'stuck' feeling and instilling confidence in your abilities to create a great life.
There is guidance within the session, (you can ask specifically for a reading) and sometimes there is a little homework too.
Depending on the length of time we have, sessions may include these things and the possibilities can be huge…
I work in a high trust environment, so this is a positive and proactive space for you to 'get things off your chest' without judgement, an open space for perfect release and renewal.
I see inside the body and work with universal energy, colour, sound, intention and holograms to facilitate this life change. I'm a Reiki Master/Teacher, a Colour Therapist, an Elohim Practitioner and have also been gifted other healing abilities through life experience.
The pace your body is able to process and integrate all this work dictates how much we achieve. If you are really, really ready - your body works like a thirsty sponge.
A Reiki session is a great follow up to this procedure.
The ideal way to approach your session is with the mindset that you are really ready to move forward - and when you've got that, the rest of it flows quite organically. Before you come, you may like to create a mental list of the things you'd like to 'let go of'.
Notes and recommendations are often supplied from the sessions.
Sessions work alongside allopathic medicine.
Some testimonials for my work are here.
Are you ready?
Deb Rowley, Energy Expert, Healer, Speaker & Coach