Deepak Chopra is amazing - listening to him just inspires me to write and write.
A lecture he gave in Tagore yielded these notes:
Just 20% of people in the world are in jobs they love.
If people are ignored by the boss at work - their rate of disengagement is at 40%.
If the boss criticises them, the rate drops to 20% - meaning they respond better
to criticism than being ignored. If they are praised it goes right down to 1%.
The source of these figures is a Gallup World Poll. (Deepak is one of the Gallup
What's true for work is true for all of life, and I started thinking about how this would affect love relationships.
And remembered one of the last times I watched Oprah (about 15 yrs ago) I saw Dr Phil on her Show.
He had a couple with him and the man was complaining about his wife and their bad
relationship. They were very open to receiving help - the husband said his wife had 'let herself go and was fat and unattractive and they weren't having sex.'
She said she felt like 'he didn't care about her, she was just the machine that ran the
house' and she didn't feel attractive so sex wasn't really on her list, she was too stressed out.
Dr Phil asked her when her husband last told her she was beautiful. She couldn't
remember. So he gave them homework. Daily - even though the husband didn't feel that way and she would think it was rubbish, her husband was to look into her eyes and tell her she was beautiful - for a month and then come back to the Show. That was it - and off they went.
When they came back he was holding her hand and the light was shining out of her. He couldn't stop smiling. She looked radiant, amazing and lighter.
It was pretty obvious they had done their homework. They said the first few days felt like lies and they weren't engaged with it. Slowly but surely they both secretly realised they were looking forward to it. Then one day (on about day 24) they just cried and held each other. They had found their way home.
She had lost real weight too – her emotional wall had come down and her heaviness had lifted. And of course they couldn’t get enough of each other!
Did you notice my use of the word engaged?
Magic is there for us in the moment we engage with it.
When people fall in love and get married – engagement is more than a time for a ring
- it's a description of how they are with each other. When they get married,
some people disengage. But some don't. What's their secret?
Sometimes everyday life existence we have piles heaviness on top of our engagement and breaks it. The Grind, feeling like you are on the treadmill, stress and pressure all put life into the adrenal fight or flight response mode and life needs to be shifted back out of that.
That's what Relationship healing is for. Relationship healing moves the rubble so you can see who is under there. It re-engages and re-ignites people, love and grace.
We all do the basics, and under stress, even the basics can suffer. But the basics aren't necessarily the bits that help our spirits soar. The basics don't always give us strength to go the extra mile, so the relationship clearing makes fresh ground for that. It's like cleaning the windows, dusting and vacuuming is to your home.
We all wash houses, cars, bodies and clothes, but there hasn't been an energetic way to just lift the stress up and clear it out of relationships till now.
And sometimes people need clearing in order to move on, to admit that they have
tried everything, to be ok with making an ending where they need to. A
relationship healing also does that. It puts people in the right place according
to what is in their best benefit. You might not have realised, but you
really can choose.
It's up to
Deb Rowley, Energy Expert, Healer, Speaker & Coach