OH GOD: When you write a searing piece of work at 6am and by 6:50 you slam the brakes on.
It’s an allegory, but it contains a lot of truth for a lot of people, and you wonder if 7 am on November the 13th 2018 is the day and time they asked to be activated. And you know damn well it is, and it’s not up to you to stop the flow of the Universe servicing their need.
You hope the ones who need it, get it, that it’s simply time to develop, not throw away everything they know. And OMG you’re a feeling person, you’re going to feel the annoyance of some of them.
Then you breathe... 💎 and share.
BEING THE ANSWER:
The overcompensation of one more woman occurred and she hid, as women do, in a half life of being the answer to everything a man wanted.
There was one problem (one that led to millions), he wasn’t feeling it.
She had started dating him and didn’t know herself and her power, and because she was terrified to look and learn about her own shining, to grow and understand herself... she went the way the other women in her family did: make yourself indispensable and then you’ll qualify as a tool for life.
She became a dispenser.
She dispensed advice, sandwiches, money, the fixing of all things tricky, of sex, of biscuits, and she manufactured a kind of satisfied joy that he acquiesced to her dispensing.
She managed to get him into ‘the box’.
He dutifully sat there, because you should be grateful to dispensers, they are tools for life.
The spark she was looking for was based on a moment of triumph, of getting him to agree and to pop himself in a handy box.
She slammed on the lid.
They agreed he could be the man and she could be the woman. They would ‘do’ love. ‘Commitment.’ He would perform the role of resigning himself to the life he saw all the men doing.
Extraordinary relationships are fairytales right? No one has that kind of love. ‘So this must be it’, he thought as he paced inside the tiny box, ‘and everyone is expecting it of me.’ People grow up, they get married. They settle down.
She knows she’s put him in the box, and she crows to herself inwardly. She made it and he’s hers.
She’s indispensable. A tool for life. She did all that to get him, now she’s got him and she’s going to have what she wanted and what they all modelled for her, an ordinary partnership.
She’ll forget about the part where she did everything she could to jam him in the box because that wasn’t really her, it was her fear. She was overcompensating and that’s going to stop now she has him in the box.
He is going to shift from a free man, to a trapped one as he realises what happened, slowly, as she stops being so excited about her coup and realises the thrill of getting what she wants is over. She starts resenting being a tool. She now feels used, but she put herself right there and he is not being grateful.
In man land there’s a story about women, and he decided to try it out. They say if you put twenty cents into a jar each time you have sex before you marry, and take one out after you marry, you’ll never empty that jar. I suspect that box is why.
He’s aware that she is angry and they travel along together, disconnected, with the walls of the box up between them, him looking for a way out: mates, booze, boating, withdrawing and no conversation and her, angry and unappreciated. She wards it all off with wine.
She’s angry now.
She has forgotten she jammed him in there. She’s a powerful (mostly unawakened) Goddess, but she’s powerfully looking away from how she can create in a way that is self loving.
The narrative of life is a funny-not-funny thing: The biggest lie for him is that if he follows the format, does what he is told, works hard, that it’s all going to work out.
The biggest lie for her is that if she gets the guy, she’ll be ok.
This narrative has been running for YEARS.
It’s an unspoken, completely manufactured ‘rule’.
He wants the whole world and she wants the box. He needs to go, hunt, and gather.
She wants him to stay in the box, it makes her smaller self feel safe - but it makes him feel trapped.
If she knew herself, she would never have bothered to try to get him in the box. She doesn’t need him there, she just thinks she does. Her frightened self was attracted to him, since she was young she’s been told there’s a man shortage and men are the answer to being safe.
Nothing about it is magical. She made herself into a tool so she could be the answer to him and then, as tools do, she wore out. Two answers don’t go together, you need a question and an answer.
Ask any tradesman what he does when a tool wears out and he’ll tell you he replaces it.
A Goddess isn’t a tool. Someone isn’t playing the game right, so frustrating, but it’s not him - it’s her. Being cast aside can be the most terrible and best time ever.
She’ll choose to blame him and say she was used - or she’ll remodel herself and step into her power.
Could she be truly honest with herself and be ok to know she jammed him in the box?
Could she admit that life made her think she had to act that way because it showed her thousands of models doing exactly that?
Now what? If she is actually honest about her part in being that dispenser, and takes responsibility, she can’t honestly donate the rest of her life to snivelling about what a rough deal she got when she manufactured it all instead of growing and trusting there was more.
It takes a massive amount of guts to self reflect, because she now knows she was hiding from something - herself, her life, possibility? Who knows.
She unpacks it. The baggage is like peeling away the layers of an onion, BUT, it gets sweeter and sweeter as she goes, until one day she will realise, she is no longer unpacking an onion, she is caressing the petals of a beautiful rose.
It could have all been so much easier if she started this without jamming a man into a box, but life come with lessons, doesn’t it? We are all meant to have them.
Trying to be ‘the answer’ brought her powerfully back to understanding she was actually the question and the knowing that she hadn’t yet unpacked her magic.
The Goddess waits to awaken - to her power, to love that honours her shining, and her extraordinary life.
Is it time for you to grow? Start here.
Previous post: The Lighthouse. A light workers inspiration to shine.