My God the road to love can be fraught with peril can't it?
When you just hope so much that this next one is The One and you try so hard to be confident
but underneath your knees are knocking.
There are so many scenarios I have been through, trying to get the right guy 'in the box.'
You know, the imaginary box that your mother wants someone to be in so she can finally breathe a big sigh of relief and know you're going to be looked after. She can put a tick beside your name on the list.
And if she hasn't got a box for that special someone
who-will-make-you-happy-and-look-after-you to go in, you do.
It's all very well getting advice from people with partners too. After a while you can feel like you are on the outside of a big plastic bubble that excludes you while everyone else walks around being smugly married or wrapped up in each other.
And then the media, bless their hearts, tells you the world is a TERRIBLE place and that there is a Man Drought.
Sod it all, as if that wasn't enough. And if you're a woman looking for a guy, the best guys are gay, and all that stuff.
I know. I've been there.
I got chewed up, spat out and a whole lot of other things by the dating game.
Then I stopped looking. I hung up my dancing shoes and went home. All my friends were annoyed with me and everyone said I would never meet the man of my dreams in my lounge. But I did. On Facebook.
And he wasn't one of those scammers who professes deep, deep love as he is enraptured by your charm and winning smile. He was real.
Tell you what almost stuffed it right up though - MY BAGGAGE.
We went out for coffee in broad daylight. And that was a bit scary because of my baggage, but it was broad daylight in my local village, so I was ok. (I was told he was the one by my guides, which freaked me out.)
Then he freaked me out, by asking me out for dinner and I said yes - when I really meant 'I'm scared',
which freaked me out further.
During the day on Tuesday, literal shakes and cold sweats - I was confronted by all my baggage leaping up and down and basically screaming at me. I wanted to curl up and die instead of going out for dinner. Men hurt. Here we go again.
Too scary. My experience in life said 'If I give my heart to someone he could stamp on it.
He could be a rapist, a stalker, abusive. He might rip me off financially.' And my paranoid other voice said 'What-if-he-is-the-one-and-I-stuff-this-up? He might be the one, he might be the one.'
(That voice has caused me no end of pain, excusing bad behaviour, and heartache - hoping and hoping.)
I know, if you have been looking for love for a while, that you know about that voice.
Anyway. He was the one. Even though my fear monsters tried to drown out my inner voice, my inner voice was right.
BUT I almost didn't go out for the dinner. Mid afternoon sometime, I managed to get out from underneath the 'what ifs', and the memories and ghosts of my past, and then I was ok.
We talked about fear over the next few days and I confided in him that I almost didn't go out because of my baggage.
He said that he had tried dating websites, but he felt so awful because he met ladies who were sad because of the way life had worked out, and that he felt so terrible, because he knew when he met them, that because of the sadness, he wouldn't be asking them out again.
I felt sad for them, thought about where I had been, and totally understood where he and they were coming from.
We talked about energy healing and how it helps to release old sadness and make people feel fresher and I considered offering Goddess Packs - Healing for the new life, saying yes to love in ALL areas, not just relationships, self discovery as a woman, process and release of old hurts, stress and fear, and self esteem building.
But I didn't do anything about it till now. Now we are getting ready for 2015. And I believe as much baggage as possible should be liberated. Washed away, burned, brought out into the light and set free, so we can all be free, because having love in your life, love for yourself, lovely experiences and a love, not just for one person, but for all (or certainly most) people, is definitely the answer.
We can't carry our old stuff with us. It stuffs up our NOW. And even though Then caused us pain, hurt and drama -
NOW is all we've got.
So if you are trying a dating website or dating generally, and you are fearful you are going to meet the same sort of guy, (instead of knowing that your champion can come) it is an indicator that you could do with healing, and releasing that 'baggage'.
What we think about comes to us.
NO new guy, has anything to do with the 'old guys' behaviour. And if you go to him holding that and actually say "Because JOE BLOGGS treated me like this, I am going to offer you a shadow of my former self and be scared that you will leave me." He may say (and rightly so) "I don't even know who JOE is, why are you making me him?"
When we are free, we are ourselves again (and so is everyone else). Energy work frees us to be stronger, calmer, lighter and more ready to take on life's challenges, opportunities and invitations. It's a peaceful release. Once you have burned off/released the baggage you don't need, acknowledged that No new person deserves to carry the perceived mistakes/wounds/trauma/fear that you went through with some other guy, and you don't want to hang on to it any more either, you will allow love in on many levels. And it will breathe life into all sorts of wonderful things.
It will bring you back to you and that's the someone you most needed to find in order to experience ALL the love that is everywhere for you.
Then, you are ready for someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated, and not the way you were treated.
Or maybe you will be so happy doing your own thing, you'll think about whether you have time for all that, and go on some amazing adventures. Never mind about the 'not many men around' thing.
You have lit your own candle and you can just radiate.
The lovely men are real, they aren't all on dating sites, they are in ordinary places where life just happens too.
And you are open to GREAT opportunities.
Is it time for the Goddess in you to be free?
Energy expert, Deb is also a spiritual teacher, healer, writer and artist.