You are not here for crumbs, you are here for the whole loaf.
You are currently riding the wild horse of fear and feeling the earth shifting beneath your feet and it's causing you to forget yourself and your magic. Stand still. Breathe. There is no value in pursuing a partner who is running the other way. Be Brave. Your life partner will run to you, stick beside you, and here's a little heads up... your life partner will invest in you. Not necessarily with money, with something much more valuable.
He will NOT remove small parts of who you are by chipping away at you.
Your life is a big thing to share with Mr Chip, Chip, Chip (who by the way, is only demonstrating what could be healed inside himself - but that's not your responsibility). Chipping away is all about whittling someone into 'shape'. As you can imagine, there is only so much of someone to whittle.
What's left after a lifetime of chipping?
There is one word you need to learn on the first step of the road to remembering you are the whole loaf.
No. No. No.
No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No. No.
These are for you if your boundaries are being overrun, if you're forgetting who you are and you need to put your foot down and reclaim your power.
Your power is regained as you head away from a situation that does not honour you.
When a woman chooses a partner who does this, she is asking for the partner to reveal to her her value.
The partner shows this by creating situations designed to trigger her up and OUT. She takes so much until she says 'NO, I am MORE than this.' And she frees herself and bit by bit, the chips of her that have been stolen or scared away, come fluttering back. Or she doesn't. And she becomes deadened to her magic.
This relationship often creates a dramatic, threatening cycle. "If you don't do this, you'll be in trouble" triggering childhood behaviours out of fear or parental programming.
Befriend the wild horse, the level fear is related to the level of the exhilaration you will feel when you are free and riding it in the wind.
Get the message. He can't see your magic if he doesn't believe in magic, but it's crucial that YOU do.
You ARE magic darling girl, and you need to hear it, feel it and see it in order to flourish. Everything else is a lie.
You are brave, you are strong, you are creative, you are wonderful and you deserve to laugh all your days and know without doubt that you are dearly loved.
Modern media tells us those champions are thin on the ground, (this is not actually true, there are LOADS of men here with honour, integrity and chivalry who protect and care for women well) but one of the reasons why many men DON'T step up, is because they either don't have a model for it, or they've been groomed by that same media to believe women are difficult to figure out and impossible to please.
It's not rocket science though is it?
Women parrot that because they are fed it too and most women don't have any idea how precious they are.
Sometimes you will hold onto what you have in the now because you are too scared to walk alone.
Mr Chip, Chip, Chip might not be a monster all the time, but those high points you hang out for
can end up being your emotional heroin in an energy struggle that is debilitating and hard (but not impossible) to get away from. (I'm speaking from experience.)
I say go visioning, to the end of your life, and ask yourself if you want to arrive there as the woman who has faded away from being chipped into nothingness.
Do you want a loving outcome?
If your answer is yes, then to be dearly loved you must start with yourself.
So, here is an exercise. Close your eyes, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth and say NO about 20 times. Imagine you're standing in a hula hoop and it's blocking all the 'stuff' that's been coming at you.
You are there by yourself and you are safe.
Then hold your arms up high and allow/vision/imagine light to come flooding down your arms and through your body.
Breathe, a huge deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Put any residual fear that may come bumping in, aside for one moment into a big imaginary holding tank, and breathe again, saying YES to your own magic.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes'
Now ask/intend to know what you need to do next in order to top up your own tank.
What would YOU like to do for yourself that invests in who you are as a person?
How can you develop in order to be MORE you, not less you?
How do you reach a loving outcome?
Loving outcomes are only reached by loving measures. There is no low energy, doubt, fear, worry, stress, revenge, no 'I'll show him' energy, it's all about what's beneficial, gentle, beautiful, what takes you to the edge of your comfort zone and stretches you beautifully.
How can you grow?
I have a beautiful client who listened to me years ago, I could see her twinkly sparkly magic, and so could lots of people, but she was just on the edge of that awareness, and starting to look beyond the crumbs.
I told her 'The Goddess sits still' a line I learned from my amazing friend Nilamani.
It means the woman does not run after a man. She instead develops herself. Once she is shining brightly in her own self realisation, her champion can see her and in the meantime, she is enjoying her own magic and so is everyone else around her.
Nilamani told me this when I was single. And I listened. Stopped running round, trying to fill the space in my life, threw my arms up in the air and said 'OK I will stop trying.' I went home and worked on myself.
My champion saw me shining and showed up.
My lovely client made her vision board about her lovely man and what she wanted her outcome to be, and then she went surfing, paddle boarding, to a fitness boot camp and did all sorts of WONDERFUL things to grow and become her shining self.
During the week, she wrote this...
'Haha.. Deb Rowley, a little time ago, I made a Vision Board with you... 2 actually.. put them up on the wall.. looked at them often.. hoped, dreamed.. eventually the blue tack didn't keep them up.. they found a new home under my bed.. having a clean up, I found them.
There were 4 gorgeous rings.. a perfect man.. and happiness, flowers and unconditional love.. looking at what I had stuck on my vision board.. all have come true! I got the ring.. the prince,(it said love right under my nose) and he was sitting there the whole time!! Lol. I get flowers.. and I sat and waited..and waited in my goddessness... and he finally found me!!! Worth the wait... and well worth making a vision board!! Lol. Thanks for making me make it.. really does work!!'
'I threw myself into sooooo much.. went out..never turned down an offer of a night out.. I didn't go looking for a man.. I was still trying to love myself.. while sitting in my goddess.. rebuilding.. while realizing I was pretty damn special... and Matt found me.. so it does work.. I get flowers on a regular basis.. he cooks for me.. everything I asked for in my affirmations on my morning walks..lol. they work too.'
They work because she took action.
She came to those important words 'while realising I was pretty damn special' and there is HER magic.
Can you say this about yourself in a loving, gentle way without any bitterness or self recrimination? Yes? WONDERFUL.
No? That's WONDERFUL too - because now you know what you need to do.
Here and now is where you start - before you do anything else, start right now...
Some ideas for you...
Paddle boarding, surfing, reading, writing, drawing, learn a language, go to meditation classes, listen to podcasts, watch youtube 'how to' videos, develop your non dominant hand (throwing and catching), join a quiz team, start a part time class or course, learn about a country, something in history, research genealogy, do yoga, find a mentor, go to the art gallery, join an archery club, learn how to sail, go do some free hugging, start a blog, become an expert at something unusual, volunteer, see a need and fill it (this is how people sometimes become millionaires), design a beautiful memory board, create a vision board, visit an elderly friend and make a book of their stories, start a travel fund for 2020, GET A PLAN, rediscover your inner child, forgive yourself for all your past 'mistakes', learn how to cook italian, french or mexican food, (unless you are italian, french or mexican, then cook some other kind of food), GET OUT OF THE FREAKIN' HOUSE, make an art journal, join toastmasters, paint with your fingers, de-clutter, change your mind about something that's been holding you back, confront a fear and rock on through it, make a LOVE TANK - real evidence of the people who see your magic, learn a natural therapy that empowers you, change your language to positives and say 'cancel, clear, delete' when you catch yourself being mean to you, rise above stuff that isn't your drama, turn off the TV, stop buying magazines - or at least realise that airbrushing flaws out of beautiful women makes them almost unrecognisable to themselves - they've got cellulite too, listen to your intuition, go on half a dozen short road trips, travel on a train, sculpt something, start a walking group. Find the other people in your community that feel the same way you do - you're not the only one!! JOIN MY NEWSLETTER, and come to one of my inspiring talks. Practise, practise, practise.
Move and create shining trails of light all over your life. Move so you can gently rest and relax. Move into your Goddess space and CLAIM it with grace, and the knowledge you are magical - and if you do that, I will joyously celebrate with you.
And men, if you are reading this, (and got this far - BRAVO) and you'd LOVE your partner to be your Goddess or you need to know more about becoming a champion, and sharing your life with a fabulous, empowered, shining Goddess, this year we are running Relationship Magic & Loving Outcome Workshops. (Relationship Healing is one of my favourite, favourite things - and it's not as hard as you think it is.) Stay in touch. Because your world is made SO much better by a woman who knows who she is and is ready to love deeply and well.
Do it with my love and my blessing.
Because when you shine, you light up my world too.
021 726 276
Thank you so much for reading my post.
I run events, workshops and webinars healing and guiding, in New Zealand and worldwide via Skype, Phone, Email & for One on One clients from my clinic space on Auckland's North Shore.
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© Deb Rowley 2015
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