Years of conditioning can shut us down to who we are. And sometimes we don't realise it has happened. To you... "Shut up." "You're only a child, what do you know anyway?" "We are listening to important people, be quiet." "Shhh, I'm on the phone." "I'm the man of the house and what I say goes." "Do this, do that (nag, nag nag)." "You don't know what you're talking about." To others... "He's an idiot, he doesn't know what he's talking about." or... "She always rabbits on about crap." There are a multitude of ways we are told that what we say does not matter. Our voices have traditionally been shut down by a society that always said 'children should be seen and not heard'. These days we are starting to watch the ideas of children with wonderment. Thank God for technology. A 15 year old has invented a test for pancreatic cancer that cost just cents to make and takes moments to do. Jack Andraka's invention is here. A girl has invented a way to make plastics out of banana peel - Elif Bilgin was awarded $50,000 for the ongoing development of her invention. I'm so thrilled to be able to see these amazing inventions via the web. However, what I see most often are people (in my day job), who are unexpressed and just needing a wee bit of self validation in order to come fully into themselves. As we come through childhood and into teens, we are forming the way we stand on the planet, and that conditioning of 'children should be seen and not heard', can really stick. We must perform 'the right way' for people to approve of us, and while that's ok for many people, some gentler souls are really knocked off their perches by it. Sometimes as a result of this, people don't know who they are because they have been pressured to be someone that fits a 'suitable' or perhaps even 'correct' mould. And this can put us into a space of overwhelm that we don't necessarily come back out of. But there IS a way out. You know I am speaking from my own experience here. It took me a very long time to find my voice. And starting a blog was a major step towards it. I write this post for you with the conviction that some of you will read it and think "AHA! that's why I find it so hard to say how I feel!" and I only have that conviction because I started to share my opinions. I initially thought it was stupid, but I had to practise writing somewhere, I felt dumb doing it, I thought that my writing would be read by nobody - and people started reading it. Actually thousands have. If I didn't start, so many people who needed help would still be walking around feeling sore and foggy. And many of them would still be heart broken, or insomniacs. I've learned a few thing, and one is, if I quote other people too often, I am ignoring my own valuable voice/opinion or experience. When you are busy with what everyone else says, maybe you lose what you say, modify or even shut down what you think or feel. Experts, might become experts by studying other experts, but someone had to have original thought somewhere in order to even start heading toward expert status. A pioneer/expert is the person with the balls who said 'I think this.' And then went ahead, validated and built on it. If that expert doesn't ever give life to that original thought - the planet misses out. You've got to start somewhere on the road to being an expert. And YOU are the expert in your life. Sometimes OUR original thought goes unheard in our rush to conform and listen to the opinions of others. Don't think you've got one? Like I said, neither did I. Sometimes we bottle it, and that's not healthy for us - we are channels, meant to enjoy things that pass through, not hold them stuffed down and stifled. When we always lean outward to learn from others, or wish we had what they had, as a result of being conditioned that our opinion or voice doesn't matter, we miss our greatest teacher of all - our own spirit. Each of us does have really amazing gifts. And right now, if you are saying "not me" THIS is exactly why I am writing this post. In order to listen to our own spirit, all we have to do is trust, arrive/be present and say yes. We may feel there are layers of sh*t built up over the amazingness locked within us. Perhaps it seems thick, but it's not and you have a big old kick ass spiritual digger if you need one, to pull those layers off. There is a spiritual quote somewhere which goes 'in order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself'. And it's often true - sometimes we have to get to a point where we have been pushed just enough to YELL out and say I AM WORTH IT!!! Because until we get to that place, we are not ready to swap the ordinary for something extraordinary. That comfort zone can be a 'good enough' trap sometimes. You can uncover your voice by yourself. You are already here, and you have everything you need. The thing is - sometimes you don't believe that. You just might need to say 'no' sometimes when you are saying 'yes' to please a crowd or someone else. You can express your opinion and when others disagree or over run it - you can repeat yourself, or tell yourself it's ok to be different. You can sit still for a moment, instead of reaching out for connection with others, say 'where am I?' and connect with yourself. Locate yourself, rest, place your hands on your heart and send yourself love. Practice saying what you feel, small steps first. Work to clear your throat chakra. Listen to a free 30 minute self healing meditation here. If my post is resonating with you and you feel like you would like to release some past hurts in order to help the process to uncover (and trust) your voice, I have private sessions to help release the 'compression/repression/suppression' that has been placed upon (or absorbed by) you.. Join my email news to hear more about the magic we do here.
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FREE HUGS - International Peace Day is Sept 21st. Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Country.9/9/2014 FREE HUGS IN AUCKLAND & SOME TIPS: Yesterday Nicole and I went for a bit of a ramble in Auckland. We hugged hundreds of people outside Britomart and around the lower Queen St area, and I just wanted to share with you a story (or two) from the morning... One man who did not speak English walked up to me and gestured that he wanted to know what we were doing. I demonstrated from my heart to his and a sign of peace. His eyes went wide and he stepped into my hug and remained there for a few moments. We hug with our hearts, real and strong. No patting on the back, no rigidity, a big beautiful hug. He drew back from me with big tears in his eyes and then overcome, he hugged me again. He bowed as he left. I had to take a few moments to process the tears. Bless him, if he was the only person I hugged all day it would have been so worth it. One guy was on the way to his first day of his new job. Monday morning hugs are non toxic, alcohol free, no calorie, uplifting, heartwarming and I am quite sure they go a long way toward curing Mondayitis. I recommend you find a friend you trust and who gives GOOD hugs and take him or her along for a couple of hours. People will ask you why you are doing it. If it helps - this is what I say - I tell them that it's because we need touch and connection now more than ever in our world and because people are AWESOME. Nicole and I also met some hilarious Hug Avoiders. I will save that story for another day. There are a few things that are useful to know when doing Hugs in your community. 1. NEVER hug a child that is pushed towards you. Children's boundaries are SO important and we always honour them. Parents who are a little nervous sometimes push their kids forward. It's important not to curb their natural instinct to keep themselves safe. If it feels right, give them a high five instead. Now and then, a child will openly come and say "Yes I would like a hug." Those ones are just fine. 2. Banter is good - gentle, non invasive, lightheartedness. No bullying anyone into a hug, personal zones MUST be respected. (3. This should be fairly obvious, but I've seen otherwise, so no touching below the waist.) 4. If you can hug in the open air with plenty of space around you and enough time for people to deal with their risk or resistance - the 'shall I or shan't I?' you are more likely to get a yes. Include everyone in your offering. 5. You'll get loads of No's. Deal with it gracefully and instantly. (If this is a problem go straight home. The streets are ok without you.) The No's are not about you. At no time make fun of anyone - this should also be obvious - but you are being a role model for people around you. Some people you are sure will decline you, will surprise you and say yes. 6. Some people will think you are nuts. You are. It's great. 7. Some people haven't been hugged for years. Once someone told me she had not been hugged for 10 years. That's why we need touch. Of course I hugged her twice. 8. Some of the people you will hug have been hanging by a thread. Your hug is their lifeline. Don't underestimate it. Love each person you hug, big golden, sunshiny love is good for all of us. 9. Hugging is not a business opportunity. Over time I've hugged thousands of people and have given out very few cards. Sometimes I take them with me if people want to friend me on Facebook or get more hug pictures. If you are really hugging - you are holding a moment of time, not having a conversation. It's not networking - it's HEARTWORKING. 10. Too many people giving out hugs can be quite scary - three is plenty - so split up or spread out. 11. Keep your arms out wide and SMILE. Pack away all handbags and extras so you are totally able to be present and play!! 12. Be prepared to have your heart melted. International Peace Day is on September the 21st. Want to make the world a better place? Grab a friend or get a group together and go DO HUGS FOR PEACE. Past hugging days: There are more tips and a couple more stories here: http://www.debx.co.nz/blog/10-top-tips-for-free-huggers Be the change you wish to see. Deb X You can follow me (or friend me) on Facebook here
Red Carpet Clearing is about connecting you to your source energy, moving the mind chatter/scatter & your spirit people back behind a red velvet rope - like you are at the Oscars - You have the Red Carpet and the Paparazzi - Doubt, Fears, Worries, Energy Suckers, Junk Mail Guidance and the Rubber Neckers hit the road with your Divine Security Guards to leave you in peace and grace. Hypersensitivity to electrical/people traffic creates issues with concentration, makes meditation near impossible and is not helpful when studying or with memory based tasks. Red Carpet clearing helps all this. Experiencing silence is an unbelievable thing when it hasn't happened before, so many of my clients cry with relief when they experience it. Then, they can differentiate between their own thoughts - and the 'pop ins' that come from intuition, inner wisdom and outer guidance. If you're ready for peace - give me a yell. :)
The decision people make, to enter into a hug with a stranger, is a decision to allow themselves to be held. Participation is made easier by the fact they will probably never see us again. How do we hug? How often do we hug? We've nearly all been 'duty huggers' right? Hands up if you haven't - but I bet there aren't too many hands up. The top tip? Take a sign, or wear a Hugs for Peace or Free Hugs tee-shirt. It's just easier. Unless there is a really large crowd, 2 or 3 huggers are all you need. 1. Relax, breathe and don't do it if you're feeling grumpy because your hugs will suck. 2. You MUST let people have time to see you, weigh up the risk and decide that it works for them. You are helping them to walk through a comfort zone gap. 3. Honour comfort zones (don't walk along heckling them, that's not a Free Hug ) let them bring the zone to you. You can quite often ‘sell' a hug to someone that is a little unsure with a great big smile, open arms and a "hey - it’s just non-alcoholic, calorie free goodness.” You can give a gentle second chance and say "are you sure?" to them if they smile and laugh when they say no. 4. A firm 'No', means no. Hugging anyone that doesn’t want a hug is counter productive and flips all your good energy over. 5. Hug the people who say YES. If they don't want a hug - they are not rejecting you - they are coming up against a wall of their own stuff. Your open heart may be the most threatening thing they have seen for days. But you might inspire them. And quite often people change their minds. 6. Some people will think you are nuts and go away growling. Let that roll off super fast - they are not your audience. 7. Some people will be a bit scared to hug you, but they will laugh and POW! the good vibes will have got them - just like that! 8. Be prepared for surprise huggers. Now and then people will jump into a hug. Some people will get out of their cars and run across the road to get to you for a hug. - Please DON'T go Hugging if you have a sore back. 9. A really healing hug lasts for moments longer than a 'see you later' hug - walls come down and people realise that there really are other people out there who care. It can be a deeply profound experience - wrapped in one magical moment of connection. 10. No Free Hug hug includes touching below the belly or on the butt! The only way is up Baby. Creepy - is creepy. Smile from the tips of your toes to the top of your field. Arms out, fill your heart with love and greet that person with a full illumination of your energy field, seeing the light in them, regardless of whether they might believe it's present or not. You see them - as the beautiful soul they are. That illumination brings deep clearing on so many levels. Let them go and bless them. Have fun. You'll meet all sorts. I've hugged thousands of people and I can tell you, there are plenty of different huggers out there. The rigid 'three pats on the back' hugger will probably pass you by - but the open arms 'come to Mama' hugger will say yes. The 'surreptitious pelvis presser' hugger may have a go - yes it's yucky - no it doesn't happen often. There is the 'I'll hug if you hug, but don't get carried away' hugger, those ones are generally doing it for points because their friends did. The 'duty' hugger makes me a bit squeamish - Mothers often direct their kids to hug when the kids are not comfortable, we ALWAYS say to people who do this "no way - we respect boundaries and honour feelings - if you don't want to hug, don't hug." The icing on your cake is the 'I love the world and everyone in it' hugger. (These ones are AWESOME.) Your marriage proposals will come from the 'I haven't hugged a woman for years, would you come home and cook my dinner?' hugger. (These may also come with a quick pat near/on the bottom, but as they are mostly elderly men - I have not yet bopped one on the nose.) Travellers are amazing, and so open to hugs, and there are a huge amount of people who just need a hug because nobody gives to them without expecting something. Ever. (These ones are often Mums.) A Free Hug is just that - Free. If someone opens their arms to you and allows you to hug them, treat them as if they are offering you a most precious gift, because they are. An open heart is pure treasure. It's not a PR exercise. You are giving - if you're really doing this properly, the Spirit of Free Hugs will stop you from speaking about your work unless you are directly asked by another person. Then it’s fine to talk about it and if they are genuinely resonant with it, let it grow organically into connection. Though I've hugged thousands of people, I've probably handed out only 6 or so business cards. This is not because I'm 'doing it wrong.' Massive bonus: Many people will answer your free hug with a real hug of their own and give equally. Most humbling and also very thought provoking: Some people will tell you they have not been hugged for years. Why Hug? In this digital age we are embracing cyber space and losing touch with each other. We are more connected, and somehow, some of us are more alone then we have ever been. We just need to open our arms more. In time I have hugged thousands of people. When I first started, I had to get a permit from the local council to do it. I find it funny that I am, technically speaking - a licensed Free Hugger. There have been so many highlights, but possibly the most poignant, were the elderly lady who initially said no, then said yes and had a really big hug, then told me she had not been hugged for ten years since her husband died… you read right - that's 10 years. How does that happen? And the 12 or 13 year old boy who could not believe anyone would want to hug him (his Mum didn't want to - she didn't want him), he had a couple of hugs, then swapped shirts with his friends in an effort to go 'undercover' so he could come back and get more. We told him he could have as many as he liked. Hugs can help throw people a lifeline when they've been hanging by a thread. I hope you are inspired to share more, even if they are just at home. And it's Mothers Day this weekend here in New Zealand - so you know where to start, don't you?
Meaningful thanks and greatness are two things worth exploring further. The next time someone says thank you, tells you that you are wonderful and you have helped them immensely, just let that filter right into your system and be banked into your heart space. They do mean it. Make sure you don't brush it off, it's a little gift for your soul - so please gently, let it right in. Be ok with hearing that you are great, be ok with the thanks - make peace with these things. If you are running around wishing you were more successful, but you won't let anyone tell you that you are good, you have resistance. If you wish to, you could sit with this and examine it, sending it love until it feels more workable or completely disappears. You are great. Your greatness is apparent to others, and you can reap rewards from it far more effectively if you work with it, rather than deny it or actively refusing to see it. And always, when you say thanks - say it right into the heart of the person you are speaking to. It's magical. <3
All this reaching for happiness stuff sometimes stretches your nerves out all twangy and makes your fingernails a bit thin and crumbly. Do it if you wish, some days, and on others - try instead sitting with what you have and making the best of it. That worked for hundreds of years before the self help movement showed up. The songs says 'some days are diamonds, some days are gold, sometimes the hard times, won't leave us alone.' And it can seem like that. But sure enough things shift. They shift a hell of a lot faster if you recognise that life has it's ups and downs. It's your choice to have a healthy attitude about the ups and downs, but happy most of the time comes with acceptance that you can't control everything, and a big, deep breath in, and a big whoosh deep breath out. You don't 'have' to be happy. Just be. Hang out with life instead. Take the pressure off. You are who you are and the day - it just is what it is. Every single day has seasoning - a bit of happy, a bit of this, a bit of that. Life is like the spice drawer. Happy can show up again when you've given yourself a big old break from the grind. Reaching for happy can be hard work. Bugger off and do something nice instead. Get out of your head. Happy isn't there. the little things that make your heart sing, are really important, go with what feels good to your gut, listen to great music and spend time with the trees, grass and sky.
In this moment, you have an opportunity to choose whether you will continue to worry, or whether you will simply park a worry to one side. In this moment, free of worry, you now have an opportunity to send a little love energy to yourself. In this moment of love energy, you now have an opportunity to say a silent thank you for the beautiful people and experiences and the love that surrounds you. In this moment of gratitude, you may also give thanks for the forthcoming solution to your worry. This is a constructive way to invest your energy. In this moment of construction and openness, miracles are not only possible, they are very likely.
All the hard work, all the projects, all the plans, the slog, the effort and the relentless pursuing in the face of - let's face it - sometimes, not so much reward - are finally starting to make some sense, come into shape. You've been laying the groundwork, building the platform, dreaming the dream and coming into line with walking the talk. And now you are finally speaking the language of the people - and OH MY GOODNESS! Communication came into line last week and what's more important is - now there are people all over the place, listening AND telling others about your work. Yahoo!!! As you leave the feeling of that long, hard slog behind, you keep walking, and step into a clearer space, more light, more action filled and more expansive. Rock on now - miracle worker - you are shining!!! Breathe in this clear energy and let it infuse all your cells. Sit for a moment, holding a smile, and a YES! and then go out and be gorgeous. You're welcome. Hugs.
The light streams in on the floor, dancing dust motes tinkling in its gaze. Twirling and swirling in the glorious silence. There is nothing. Or is there? Paying attention brings the gulls in first. Off in the distance, exultant cries tell tales of low tides and rich pickings. The cicadas follow, their sibilant hum setting a clear frequency to cut and release, cut and release - they are dislodging the last of summer. Stridently sending it on its way, a few more long days of sunshine and then it will be gone. The temperature has dropped. Last night was all about being covered. The cooler air today seems to aid thought processes. The clock ticks, the fridge whirrs. And now there are school children on break time. A truck rumbling by and a few cars to help with the life hum. Further out, construction clangs, diggers and drop saws intrude. The breeze just murmurs. After last nights crazy wind, violently whipping the curtains and howling round the house - this is peace. Take a moment to tune to all the sounds in your space, hear them, picture them, then retreat back out and let them go. Listen to the silence of your body. I am. I am. I am. All these external things have only the importance I attach to them. I am. I am. I am. Breathe and allow the stillness to centre you.
CUT THE LABEL OFF. I've been writing rants about depression quite a bit lately - haven't printed any yet though - but obviously now it's the time to do it. I am totally comfortable with telling you that I have been 'triggered' into another one by the death of Charlotte Dawson. Charlotte Dawson had a HUGE heart. And she was highly sensitive. She did GREAT things for some people - lots of people, and she stuffed up sometimes too. She wasn't totally PC - could also be mean, bitchy etc - but only the perfect person is qualified to condemn another. She was real. No matter what she put on her skin, how much plastic surgery she may have had, she was as real as any other person. We are all real. And she suffered. And man did she ever suffer being a bit of a tall poppy. Despite the fact that she often felt like a failure - she was an achiever. Why have I posted a picture of a mountain instead of Charlotte? You'll find out below - and anyway - she is probably already all over the place in your newsfeed - so I don't have to. She may have passed, very tragically today, but she has also given a gift. She has instantly become an even more poignant face than she already was for cyber bullying, media bullying and mental wellness. People will debate, reminisce, reason and argue. People will say 'oh no, it was such a waste' but they weren't living her life, and they don't know how she felt. It was her journey to walk, and now she is finished. Some will scoff and others will hold compassion. But I think more will hold compassion. She has held up a torch to darkness, to an underbelly we don't like to look at. This will be a change maker for many people - and in that way she gives even more meaning. People who suffer often 'feel for others'. Sometimes too much. I am not speaking on behalf of Charlotte, but I am aware that constantly pushing yourself, having to 'perform', self criticism, caring too much about what others think, the inclination to make the world a better place, to save/repair/fix people - all these things can make you extra absorbent to the stagnant, dirty or heavy energy that flies around looking for a resting place. It is possible for some people to take on so much 'stuff' from other people that you don't know where they start and you end or vice versa - in the public eye, this is often a hazard. No matter who you are, if you have had life trauma, hardship or arrived on the planet without your spiritual umbilical cord nice, bright, shiny and fully intact - you may be prone to being depressed. If life has not gone the way you wanted it to - same goes. If you repeatedly stare down the black dog, or feel like you are stuck down the hole, and you tell yourself that you are D-Pressed - you certainly have a 'situation'. But a situation is a space, a platform, a place, and you can move from there - even just inch by inch. You can tell me it's a chemical imbalance - but I know it's energetic. Hyper sensitive people who continue to surround themselves with thoughts/things/food/people that crush the spirit - their wellness cannot help but be suppressed and that may well create/perpetuate or enhance a chemical imbalance. It's likely you are not going to feel like sunshine and roses and be Mary Poppins. Just like the chicken and the egg - the bottom of the hole, the black dog and the chemical imbalance or the shitty situations swirl around together. One creates the other and vice versa. It doesn't matter which one comes first. It still feels horrible. CUT THE LABEL OFF. Change your position/space/platform. Some - not all of the media (the Press) have done an absolutely rip roaring ,STUNNING job of selling us depression. They have gone so far as to allow people to be attacked, indoctrinated, wooed even, (see drama tv etc) into believing that the world is full of terrible things/people and events. They print what works for them - I hope you don't think they all print the things that work for you. The moral compass is missing quite a lot of the time. It can seem like the world is full of terrible things - but perspective - man it's a good thing to have. The media has done an EPIC job of telling women there is a man shortage - that doesn't cheer any of them up - it's done an epic job of saying you have to have a 68 million dollar wedding - or have the smallest nose, biggest boobs, blondest hair, most measurable success. And you've got to be connected. Call that thing COMPRESSION. It's suppression, oppression, repression, it's bullshit. Sometimes it's about identifying too much with pain, to too many people in pain, and just wanting to get your message across that the world has been bad to you. And that's ok for a while. Having a life crisis is your personal right. Many, many things are tough for us to deal with, but too often we just skip straight to the D word to identify our issues. That's like a certificate in misery. Yep - if you've got that, people know how to 'get' you. And where you're coming from. But if you were covered in bullshit (suppression, repression, oppression) - you would go and wash that off - right?? Change the game. YOU, not it - ARE the driver. You may need some training wheels to give you a hand, so here you are: CUT THE LABEL OFF. Find your voice - EXPRESSION helps. If you must call it anything - call it COMPRESSION. This enables you to pick apart the crap and action your to-do for wellness list. Do honour yourself and take a good hard look at what you concentrate on. If you open your mouth and complain regularly about life - do notice your words - these are your clues - and see what you can change about the situation. By YOUR OWN WORDS you will either flourish or suffer. DO NOT swallow the line that there is nothing you can do about it because it's bigger than you. It is not. This IS ANOTHER MYTH you have been fed. You may also believe that you have no choice - you may not turn into an instant Mary Poppins, and the world doesn't need a whole lot of them anyway, but something CAN improve. So changing that belief is your first step. When I learned to ski - I was up the top of the Jungfrau in Switzerland. Please excuse my language, but that MOFO is 4000+ metres above sea level. I looked down the mountain and almost peed my pants. My friend, who I was furious with for taking me so high when I 'knew' I couldn't ski, told me I only had to ski the one metre in front of me at any given time. And despite the fact that I was unbelievably mad with him, (and may have even wanted to belt him one) I knew it was true. I did not know what I was doing, but I got down the mountain eventually using a learner technique called snowploughing. I hated it. I moaned, I bitched, I kicked up and carried on, (now that I think about it, I probably left a cloud of filthy energy there to be honest) but I got down the mountain. It seemed to take me Y E A R S. The first parts, of course were hardest. It was painful. Eventually it got easier. The following day I could ski a little bit, and the next day was better too. (And one day later on - I could ski very well. I've wished many times to be back on that mountain.) And in that way, bit by bit, just a few years ago, I also walked myself out of a horrible black hole too. After years of life trauma and some horrific events. Although it obviously took longer, it was a similar kind of journey. I never ever labelled myself and I think that was a crucial factor in my recovery. (Energy work would have been very useful - but I was a sceptic and never even imagined it was real. Go figure.) Energy can be cleaned back to the source, and the source can be held to the light and gently loved back into balance. You only have to ski the metre in front of you. And with someone helping you to snowplough, you can bitch, fight, moan, fuss and kick up a stink, or you can just let go and love it all the way out. There is always help. Ask for that help if you need it. And be that help if someone else does. And know the journey is personal, and sometimes, no matter how much you want to give that help, some people cannot and will not accept it. Please be brave enough to be ok with that too. It takes a certain amount of courage to sit with another persons pain and allow it to simply be. The world is filled with unbelievably amazing healers, YOU and I are two of them, (you may not know that about yourself yet) and all we are doing here, is helping to walk (or ski) each other home. End of rant. RIP Charlotte, thank you for your contribution to the planet. Peace at last. Go well.
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